No matter the circumstance, it's inevitable to experience a little bit of a letdown after a time of extreme happiness. It's not that the happiness fades, but realistically, you can only sustain a through-the-roof level of joy for so long. Eventually, equilibrium kicks in, euphoria wanes, and normal, day-to-day life resurfaces.
For Eric and I, our letdown seems especially daunting. We're now less than two weeks away from the start of his deployment. At this point we're pondering, how are we supposed to smoothly transition from one of the happiest times of our relationship immediately into the hardest challenge of our relationship?
The nature of our situation makes focusing on the positive very difficult. We've done our best to do so, but with the army, not even the littlest pieces of happiness we look forward to are guaranteed. I have written before about how military life comes with a sense of uncertainty and a definite lack of stability. This couldn't be more true for our current situation. Lately, it almost seems as though the army is cruelly trying to remove any shred of positivity that we've planned to focus on during this time.
Just this week, Eric learned that his orders are extended, and he will now leave home earlier than planned. His deployment is now starting on May 14th instead of May 20th.
Six days doesn't sound like a huge deal, right? However, this is a perfect example of how the army's ever-changing schedules can debunk plans and take away things you've been looking forward to. In this particular situation we had a lot planned (and therefore, a lot taken away) in those six days we lost. Eric's mom and I spent months planning a surprise going-away party so that we could get all of Eric's friends and family together for a really fun send-off. The party was set for the 17th, so now it's off. Eric and I also had a week-long vacation planned to the East Coast. We were so looking forward to staying with a good friend, visiting family, going to a music festival, and seeing more of our beautiful country. It was going to be the perfect opportunity for us to spend quality time together before he leaves. That trip has also been taken from us. Now we're stuck fighting for a refund from the travel company. Unfortunately, the chances of that refund happening are not looking good.
Lastly, Eric also learned that he will no longer have his two weeks of mid-deployment leave that we had been banking on. This change hurts me the most. Now we're looking at nearly a solid year of separation. I can't even fathom what that is going to be like.
I'm really not sure how to feel about all of this. Three major things I was using to stay positive throughout this situation have been taken from me, and I feel like the rug has been completely swept out from under us. I am doing my best to shift my focus to other sources of positivity, like the fact that I'll still be planning our wedding, and that we can still Skype. However, it's really hard to not become bitter. I get angry after learning of such a drastic and last-second change like this. How can they do this so casually in our last weeks together?
I do realize this whole situation is way bigger than us, though. I do realize we signed on for this life, and things like this come with the territory. I do realize that we're only one of hundreds of families feeling this same disappointment right now. I do realize there are families that have it worse. I do realize I'm personalizing a situation that is anything but personal. I realize all of this. Although those realizations put things in perspective, they doesn't dull the sting.
All we can focus on now, is just getting through the year. There's no halfway point to look forward to, so it's just going to be about grinning and bearing the separation. Right now our worst enemy is the anticipation, the countdown seems to be suffocating us more with each passing day. Although we certainly don't want to be without each other, we're almost just wanting this thing to start so we can get it behind us. I know in the grand scheme of things, this deployment will really only be a "blip on the radar" within the timeline of our relationship. So keeping that in mind, I'm hoping it will pass as quickly as time allows.
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