making plans.

I came across this photo above the other day on Pinterest. It's like it was speaking directly to me.

Over the years, I somehow became a "planner". Despite starting out as a laid-back child with a no-care-in-the-world attitude, life slowly shaped me into someone that relies on planning as a means to comfort and security.

During my childhood, my family moved around more than the average family. We started out in Bellevue, Washington, where I was born. We then moved to West Linn, Oregon and welcomed my little sister Madeline to the family. Shortly after we left for Cincinnati, Ohio, followed by Salt Lake City, Utah. Then, we moved back to West Linn, only to leave again for Boise, Idaho. My final move before college was to Sammamish, Washington. That makes for 7 moves: 7 houses, 6 cities, 5 states, and 10 schools.

I gained so much from this experience. I feel incredibly close with my family as a result, and I'm thankful for the perspective I gained through exposure to different areas of the country. However, the overwhelming lack of control I had over my own circumstances was somewhat scarring. Uprooting was easy as a young child, but felt devastating in the teenage years. All I wanted was to stay in one place, develop roots, and have a sense of "home". Unfortunately, that's tough to do when you come and go every couple of years. Fast forward to now: I'm in the early years of my adult life and have a very hard time with uncertainty, ambiguity, and relinquishing control.

Life has a funny way of making us confront our weaknesses. Sometimes it almost seems like the universe is chuckling to itself as it rudely forces us out of our comfort zones. Like one big ironic joke, we're hurled into situations in which we no choice but to overcome our weaknesses. Falling in love with a military man was the universe's ironic joke on me and my comfort zone. Nothing comes with quite the level of uncertainty, ambiguity, and lack of control that military life does.

Being a military girlfriend has pushed my boundaries more than I ever expected it would. Planning has new, unique challenges because of all of the time commitments and weekends/weeks/months away Eric has. Change is inevitable and frequent in the army, so it's not uncommon for those weekends/weeks/months to be rescheduled and completely debunk plans I've made. At first, this enraged me. I would truly lose it when I would plan something exciting, only to have a drill date change and ruin the plan.

Slowly, I've been learning to let go. After being involved in the lifestyle for over two years, I have found that my planning tendencies are more of a crutch than a productive use of time and energy. I've learned that I can't be entitled to Eric's time; to instead be grateful for the times I'm fortunate enough to spend with him. That's why the above quote: "over-planning kills magic". has been the sacred mantra I've repeated to myself throughout the start of our two-month chunk of time together. I sure wouldn't want to ruin our two months of magic.

Now, having said that, we've planned some really fun vacations. In April, we're heading to Colorado for a long weekend, and have a five-day east coast trip booked for May! Almost every weekend in these next two months is filled with some sort of adventure. So, I suppose the goal is to find that happy medium between clinging to plans like they're a lifeline, and sitting around doing nothing, watching the time pass us by. Further, to find the harmony in both seizing the day, and going with the flow. It's a process I've come to appreciate. Maybe i'll be brought back to my free-spirited roots, and find my old self within the journey of letting go.