three months, part two.

Just about a year ago, I wrote a blog post entitled "three months." It was inspired by a particular notification I got on my phone while I was out getting happy hour with friends. The notification read "3 months until deployment". That particular moment punched a deployment-sized fist in my gut, and I remember thinking that the next three months would be the shortest of my life. They did, in fact, turn out to be a very fleeting three months.

Today, I got a similar notification on my phone. This one read "3 months left of Deployment". It spurred an equally strong reaction as the other "three month" notification. This time though, I felt butterflies in my gut instead of a punch. My first thought was that these next three months will be the longest of my life.

So, three months. THREE MONTHS. We're getting there. Three months ago, it was the day after Halloween. I spent hours trying to get fake blood out of my hair. That doesn't seem too long ago.

At this point in the game, I'm constantly thinking about post-deployment life. I've started a to-do list of things Eric and I will do when he's back and things are finally back to normal. I think about things like going to the beach house he proposed at, trying this new restaurant I keep hearing about, camping with Perry, making him try a Kentucky Mule at this bar I just discovered, etc. These things could be happening in just a few short months. Generally, I'm feeling pretty positive.

For a long while, especially in the beginning, I really struggled with keeping positive. I had constant visions of the two men in uniform knocking on the door in the middle of the night. Every time Perry barked at the door, my stomach seized. I constantly refreshed my Google search for "Afghanistan News". I dwelled on articles detailing another young man's life ending too early.

Although this way of life was very rational considering the circumstances, it was toxic. It had to end. I don't know how I did it, but I snapped out of it, and have come to a place of peace an positivity as of late. Maybe it just took time. Maybe it's the fact that 6 months have passed and things are still ok. To be brutally honest though, I just think it took getting to a place of denial, because that is most definitely what is happening right now. I am in in denial. My husband is in Afghanistan, and there's nothing I can do about it, so I pretend he's not there. I get to talk to Eric (via text) pretty much daily, and he still has the same wonderful sense of humor and personality, so if I don't think about things too hard, it just feels like we're in some run-of-the-mill long-distance relationship. I still am not sure if how I'm coping is the healthiest, but I also haven't found any other way of going about it that works for me. So, to all the other military wives out there, I'm open to suggestions. Until those brilliant suggestions roll in though, I'm sticking with what works. I imagine the "denial method" won't stay useful once the re-acclimation period comes, but we'll cross that bridge when it comes.

In the meantime, to celebrate the 3-month countdown, here's a "taking stock" update. Happy February, everyone!

Bookmarking: places and spaces to explore in Kauai. Honeymoon in T-6.5 months!

Cooking: Winter En Papillote, an awesome salmon dish. 

Drinking: tea, as always.

Enjoying: Barre3. I love the results I'm seeing in my body, and the peace it brings my mind.

Hoping: that three months flies.

Feeling: impatient, excited, hopeful.

Following: some new artsy accounts on Instagram. I wish I was more creative.

Giggling: at Broad City, I just started watching it.

Knowing: that I am very fortunate.

Liking: our new bed frame! I got a smokin' deal from my cousin.

Looking: at pictures of myself in my wedding dress.

Loving: my husband and his ability to make me feel loved in the most challenging of circumstances.

Making: our wedding registry! This is dangerous for me, though. It's combining my love on online shopping with my second love of not spending any money. It's getting a little excessive.

Marveling: at just how good healthy can taste.

Needing: nothing. I believe I have everything I need.
Noticing: my own personal growth.

Opening: my bag of longan berries. My new, very expensive addiction.

Playing: Lana Del Rey, my go-to.

Reading: an interesting article about another American sniper's experience in Iraq.

Smelling: Perry's stinky breath.

Thinking: about the not-so-distant future.

Waiting: for May 2015.

Wanting: an unlimited shopping budget for Lululemon.

Wasting: brainpower on things I can't control.

Wearing: only cozy things.

Wishing: Eric and I could move into the house we fell in love with on Zillow.

Wondering: where Eric and I will end up when he returns. The world is our oyster. 

light at the end of the tunnel.

Hello, badly neglected blog of mine. I'm returning to you with my tail tucked between my legs. Sorry for ignoring you.

It's been a little over two months since I have updated. This is partly because the holidays were busy, and time got away from me, and blah blah blah. Mostly though, I have just been avoiding this online public journal I once committed to producing.

These days I rely on keeping my head down, willing the time away, and trying not to think too hard about life's current circumstances. I have realized that taking the time to actually reflect on what's happening and expressing how I feel about what's happening interferes with the whole "not thinking too hard" thing. I just get so content with my day-to-day hustle and bustle and the blissful ignorance it allows me to carry, that it becomes very convenient to just...not write. In fact, writing feels somewhat taxing. I even had to take a few breaks during the construction of this post (over the course of a week... whoops), because sitting down and organizing my thoughts about how things are going is pretty overwhelming.

But, here I am, because I think I owe myself to carry on with this blogging project. I'm already a little bummed that I let two months of time go undocumented, and I don't want to quit here.

The holidays were fine, considering how unusual 2014 was. My husband is in the planet's ass crack while the family of four I grew up in took a stab at our first holiday season after establishing that an era has indeed come to an end. I have to hand it to my parents, despite the uncomfortable awkwardness that comes with being in the midst of a divorce, they really held it together for everyone and made the time we spent together enjoyable. My mom attended the Thanksgiving day my dad hosted, and she also made an appearance on Christmas morning before jetting off to Atlanta to be with her parents and sister's family. I got to spend time with some other local family members as well over the holidays, so things were just fine.

I was pleasantly surprised to find that I had a few packages under the tree from the man abroad himself, and even happier to discover that my Christmas package arrived to him on time. Being able to FaceTime with Eric during his Christmas morning and watching him open packages from myself, his parents, and my family was enough to melt my Grinch heart into a puddle.

This was my second year spending holiday time with my McOmie family, which has become such an important tradition for me already. We had our own round of Christmas celebration on New Years Day which was spent watching the Rose Bowl, eating McOmie comfort food, and exchanging gifts. It was really fulfilling spending my first year as a McOmie with my in-laws. I really love having a whole new family on top of my already awesome one I was born into. I really do feel very lucky to have all of these wonderful relatives in my life.

So, now we're in the long-awaited year of 2015! This is where the "keeping my head down and willing time away" thing comes in handy. Although we're in the year I've been praying to arrive, there's still a fair amount of waiting to be done and i'm feeling really impatient.

We recently got word of when Eric can expect to be sent home. Although I can't write it here, the countdown is down to less than 4 months. That number feels very manageable, and I love having a date to actually count down to. The light at the end of the tunnel is just now starting to become visible. We still get to text message quite a bit, and we usually talk about what life is going to be like when he gets back-- where we may live, what kind of job he may get, what kind of house we want, what kind of dog we want to add to our family, how fun the wedding and honeymoon is going to be, etc. There really is so much to look forward to.

Speaking of, I've still been a wedding planning machine! Between work, regularly attending barre3 classes, and spending time with my loved ones, planning the wedding is still one of my very favorite hobbies. It's been an unofficial goal to have everything done by the time Eric is home, and I'm very much on-track to have that happen. Hopefully, that way we can spend our long-overdue time together concentrating on things other than wedding chaos.

As I reflect over the past few months, I do feel very thankful for those who have been there for both Eric and I. It's been a strange time for me, and I do recognize that I haven't been there for all the people I love in my life the way I'm normally able to. I do feel guilty for that. However, I think times like these reveal the people that are truly dependable in hard times, and I am seeing that Eric and I have many people to be thankful for. Thank you, wonderful people. One day I'll find a way to individually show my appreciation for each of you, but for now, just know we're so thankful.

Happy 2015 everyone, I hope everyone is having a wonderful start to the new year!