april twenty-sixth, two thousand and fourteen: in words.

Saturday, April 26th 2014: The day Eric and I became husband and wife.

I don't quite have the ambition to muster the ability to accurately and completely describe this weekend's events. We've been so overwhelmed with all the emotion, love, and support that encompassed the day, and I really don't think I'll be able to do it justice. I've waited a few days to see if the right words would come to me, but i'm still at a loss. However, I really want to be able to remember the details of this day and be able to share the memory with our friends and family. So, here I am giving it my best shot.

I'll start here; we went into this day with no expectations, as we have been purposefully concentrating our excitement around the big, "real" wedding in August of 2015. For some reason, I felt that we were only allowed one celebration, and I didn't want our legal ceremony to take any importance away from the big wedding. Therefore, we didn't put any effort into planning this day or making it special. We just got our outfits, asked my mom to officiate, lined up my cousin to take pictures, told everyone where and when to show up, and called it good.

Now, our families didn't see it the same way. If we were going to have a wedding, it was going to be special, whether another wedding is coming or not. So despite our initial indifference, they gave us the the perfect day that we didn't even know we wanted.

Around 4pm, we arrived to Eric's parents' place, and saw that the house was decorated even more beautifully than it usually is. My new mother-in-law, Chris, found my wedding inspiration boards on Pinterest and used what she saw to create an amazing ceremony and reception space. She knew I had always pictured an outdoor ceremony, and she made it happen despite the rainy weather. A big canopy covered 10 chairs, beautiful flowers, and a decorated wooden trellis. The space was set within their beautiful backyard garden, providing the perfect ambiance.

After a quick run-through and some last-minute outfit changes, we started our ceremony. It was pouring, which actually was very romantic and cool for us. Our family members escorted each other in pairs, and my dad walked me down the aisle to my smiling husband-to-be.

Having my mom officiate was so special. She was able to make the ceremony so personal to us as a couple. Our other family members were also welcome to contribute in the ceremony, so many chimed in with readings, poems, and other kind words. Although we didn't write our own vows (we're saving that for the August wedding), my mom had us recite vows that were directly taken from things we've said in the past to and about each other. It was so emotional, and the love among our collective family was so tangible. It was such an amazing experience, and I know I wasn't the only one to shed a few happy tears.

After, our mini-party started! Eric's dad is an amazing cook, and he spoiled us all with tri-tip, which is one of mine and Eric's favorites. During the meal, everyone went around the table sharing toasts and stories, once again overwhelming Eric and I with love and support. We wrapped up with two amazing home-made desserts from my mom (as if she hadn't already done enough for our day).

As dinner came to a close, my dad surprised us with a gift of his own: a mini-honeymoon to the Heathman Hotel! We learned we had a suite waiting for us, and wasted no time saying our goodbyes and heading to Portland for some alone time. Once we arrived, we walked into a fully decorated room with plenty of snacks, and even a home-made glitter champagne bottle from my sister. We popped the bottle, poured our glasses, and wound down by reflecting on the night's events while sipping our bubbly. It was just perfect. The hotel was great, and we even got a free brunch the next morning.

Like I said before, Eric and I went into this day with absolutely no expectations. If anything, we went in thinking the day would be low-key, simple, quick, and basic. We left the night feeling like we experienced the dream wedding we didn't even know we wanted. Now that I've experienced the "low-key" wedding, I wish that everyone could be able to do two weddings. I had no idea what an amazing experience it would be to have a ceremony with just our immediate family members. It allowed everyone to relax, and it was wonderful to have the opportunity to spend quality time with our new collective family. Now that we've experienced it, I strongly encourage others do the same! Of course, our unfortunate circumstance called for this to happen, but the experience was anything but unfortunate. Our wedding was such a blessing, and it wowed us in such an unexpected way.

To Mom, Dad, Maddie, Grant, Chris, Grant Jr., Kevin, Mackenzie & Courtney: Thank you all so much for giving us such an amazing night. We wouldn't trade our wedding day for anything. We love you all.

Last, but not least; my cousin Courtney is a very talented photographer, and offered to take pictures for us! She was amazing! So, check in later for a photo blog entry of our special day. 

end of an era.

As I write these words, I can't help but chuckle as I reflect on the quick turn my life has taken in the past several weeks.

Just a month ago, I was a girlfriend. Today, I am a fiancee. Tomorrow, I'll be a wife. 

Whoa.

It's not like I hadn't been expecting this, though. Long before Eric and I were even engaged I had known that this whirlwind was coming. Now that we're living it, it feels surreal; kind of like we'll just be playing "dress-up" with our parents and siblings. But, tomorrow is the real deal, because tomorrow we will legally bind our lives together. 

Being the over-analyzer that I am, I have put in a lot of thought on our choice to get married, both before and after our engagement. I know it's the right choice, but I have really challenged myself to reflect on how I know it's the right choice. Ironically enough, my marriage is beginning right as the marriage of my parents is ending. Although watching my parents split after 30 years would seem to be discouraging, it has instead motivated me to be especially purposeful in our choice to marry, and to have a strong understanding of what marriage means.

It's kind of sobering to realize that choosing to marry means choosing to go against the odds in pursuit of a successful relationship. We all know that about half of marriages end, and it's also a general rule that in about half of the marriages that don't end, the couples aren't happy anyway. That means only about a quarter of the married couples out there are in a happy, fulfilling marriage. These numbers are even worse in military marriages. Now, I'm sure that people rarely enter marriage with any other intention than to have a happy, successful, committed "forever". So then, what happens to the 75% of marriages that just don't get it right? Where does it go wrong?

Of course, there's no clear answer to why marriages fail at the rate they do, but I think dropping the "happily ever after" myth and being aware that you're agreeing to a life-long, fulfilling challenge is half the battle. I also think both people in the marriage need to challenge themselves to be purposeful, realistic, and selfless.

Purposeful, because it's so easy to get complacent and take a good thing for granted. Love is not a noun, but a verb. Love is actively working to make another person happy; love is not a passive feeling that stays despite little effort. It's hard work to constantly put effort into maintaing a happy relationship, but it's also the most fulfilling work I believe I'll ever do.

Realistic, because the fairy tale we've all heard is crap. So many people believe the work lies within finding someone to marry, when actually the real work starts after saying "I do". Being realistic also means acknowledging the fact that your spouse can't fulfill 100% of your needs 100% of the time.

Selfless, because I believe marriage means doing things for "we" instead of "I". That's a hard mindset to transition into, but it's a necessary shift to make. Admittedly, I am selfish by nature, and will have to work extra hard on this one!

I know, I have made this all sound very daunting. Welcome to the mind of an over-analytical person. But, these are the thought processes I go through when making life-changing decisions. Rest assured-- this transition into marriage is extremely exciting for me. Keeping in mind the thoughts above, I'm more than up for the challenge to create my "happily ever after" with Eric, because I can't imagine a better man to love. In all honesty, I don't know how I got so lucky to have the best man I've ever met want me back. Being his wife will the biggest privilege of my life.

And so, tomorrow marks the end of an era. The times of checking the "single" box on tax documents and doctor office forms will be over. Tomorrow will also mark the beginning of our great stage of limbo. Which sounds better, "married to my fiance" or, "engaged to my husband"? I think I like them both.

Happy Flashback Friday! 

best of both worlds.

The past week or so has looked like something like this:

Basically, it's been about venue visits, an engagement party, yurting on the coast, drinking beer, Cirque Du Soleil, and lots of quality time! We've been spoiled with good quality time for just the two of us, for Perry Pup, for our friends, and for our family.

We're down to about 5 weeks left of Eric's presence. It's scary to realize how quickly that number is shrinking. I have been keeping very busy, so I haven't really had the chance to dwell on his upcoming departure, or even think about it much at all. It feels good to focus on the positive right now, so the game plan is to deal with the deployment as it comes and try not to not anticipate it too much in the meantime.

What better way to focus on the positive than planning a wedding? We had always intended to have our engagement to be timed this way, and I can already tell it will be such a blessing for the both of us. I get to concentrate on planning our wonderful day, and he gets to look forward to coming home to this great celebration. Of course,  this process is unique for us because we're currently in the process of planning our marriage, and our wedding. (If you're lost as to why those are two separate things, read my previous post here). Going through the planning process for both of these events has been really fun, and very different.

First things first: for our legal marriage, we have planned for a ceremony to be held in Eric's parents' backyard in beautiful Forest Grove. Only our parents and siblings will be there to witness. My wonderful mother will be officiating. She is a woman of many talents and merits; being an internet-ordained Reverend is just one of them. It will be short and sweet, but very meaningful. For anyone wanting to start a countdown, we are only 11 days away. That's right, believe it or not, Eric and I will be a married couple on April 26th, 2014. Fast, I know. I can barely catch my breath! However, this will give us the right amount of time to make sure we have things in order before the deployment begins.

As for our actual wedding; we have accomplished our goal, which was to secure a venue by the time Eric left. We saw some incredible places, but ultimately decided on an amazing vineyard in Salem. August 8th, 2015 is the magic date. We are so thrilled with the location, and can't wait to celebrate with all of our loved ones!

Although this process isn't what I had pictured for myself, I have become very excited about our opportunity to  experience two very different commitment ceremonies. In a way, we're getting the best of both worlds: the small, elopement-esque, intimate, legal ceremony in a gorgeous backyard garden, and the elaborate, festive, traditional wedding to experience with all of our friends and family. Again, the circumstances are less than ideal, but it's important to seek the silver linings in unfavorable times. I have to say, life's upcoming events are one hell of a silver lining!

^ The beautiful site of our 2015 wedding! ^

and, so it begins.

It has been 9 days since the event pictured below occurred. With all that has happened since, it feels like it's been a month!

It's been a really fun time. The outpouring of support and excitement from our friends and family has been so heartwarming, and I'm still on cloud 9. Our apartment might as well have been a green house with all the flowers we brought home last week. Even though we dropped off 5 bouquets with our parents, we still had flowers on every surface of our home. It smelled amazing, and everywhere I turned was a sweet reminder of the proposal.

We were also spoiled with some adorable engagement gifts. My mom got us these hilarious little champagne flutes, along with some other wedding stuff. Madison and Tyler gave us the most amazing gift basket (as if they haven't already done enough) and we were able to get in a fancy celebration dinner with them at Oswego Grill. Lastly, the McOmie's took my mom, Eric, and I out to a celebratory dinner at PF Changs. No better way to celebrate than chicken-lettuce wraps and champagne toasts!

Among the excitement, we've had several questions from many people, which definitely comes with the engagement territory. Questions like, "What's the plan now?", "Are you two going to make it legal before he deploys?", "When is the big day?", and "How will this work with Eric being in Afghanistan?". 

I would probably want to know all of the same things. Because of this deployment, Eric and I certainly have a unique engagement situation. First things first; we're planning on having our wedding in the summer of 2015. Eric's deployment is scheduled from May 2014 - May 2015. So, all the planning that Eric wants to be a part of has to occur before he leaves. That gives about 6 weeks to do engagement pictures, visit venues, and make other miscellaneous decisions. Needless to say, it will be a very busy and fun 6 weeks! I'll be doing most of the wedding planning while he's gone, which I am counting on being a major source of positivity during his absence. So far, we've visited two venues, and they were both beautiful. I'm starting to think you can't go wrong with an Oregon wedding, this place is too gorgeous.

How pretty is this? Our first visit started out strong at the Oregon Garden Resort.

We've had a hard time deciding whether or not to be forthcoming about our decision to legally marry before the deployment starts. Personally, I've been worried about potential judgement the decision might bring, and was hesitant to stray away from the picture in my head of what getting married should look like. All things considered, I decided to be transparent about our choice because I really want to accurately depict our experience throughout this deployment. Like I have said before, I hope my experience can somehow become a resource for anyone else that may be in my shoes in the future, and I believe that showing the whole picture will make that more possible.

Having said that, we are indeed making this legal before Eric deploys. That means we will be married for about a year before our wedding. This decision is the right one for us for many reasons, although it was a difficult one to come to. I have always pictured a traditional marriage/wedding process for myself, and had a hard time wrapping my head around the concept of being married without first going through the experience of a wedding. One of my biggest worries was that our choice would cause our friends and family to be less motivated to come to the wedding if they knew we were already legally married. However, knowing our loved ones, I realize that is a silly thought because we are surrounded with so much support and love. To me, our wedding means so much more than a switch in our legal standing, anyway. This wedding will be a celebration of Eric's safe return from deployment, an acknowledgement of the beginning of our life together outside of the military, a chance for our loved ones to come together for a rockin' party, all while experiencing our own version of a dream wedding. When it came down to it, I realized that the legal timing behind everything isn't even that important to me. I was also encouraged after reaching out to several other military couples that chose to do the exact same thing, and came out of it successfully. Believe it or not, it's very common for military couples to legally marry before a deployment, and save the wedding for after the deployment. However, it's not as common for those legal marriages to be out in the open before the wedding.

I know that putting this part of our relationship "out there" is going to invite criticism and generate a lack of understanding of why we are breaking tradition and societal norms. This is to be expected. However, I also know that it's very silly to consider public opinion when making big life decisions, and that there is no need to defend our choices, no matter how unconventional.

As a resource for those who may face a similar decision, I have put together some things to consider. These are the things we thought over before making the decision to marry before the wedding, and I hope they can be helpful for another couple out there.

In no particular order:

• To be truly considered a spouse/partner in the Army's eyes, a couple must be legally married. This means in the off chance something happens to the deployed partner, the Army will grant the spouse access to the situation. 
• One of the hardest things a newlywed couple can do is spend the first year of marriage apart. 
• In my own way, I am aiming to soften this experience by immersing myself in wedding planning during the deployment. Although we'll be legally married, it will feel more like we're an engaged couple that has not yet wed. Being separated for a year is hard regardless of our legal standing, anyway.
• Being legally married provides eligibility for added benefits with healthcare, home loans, and finances. This is big for us, because we are saving for a home to purchase when Eric returns.
• Spouses are the first to know about any changes coming up in deployments (i.e. extensions). This ensures that the inside information on what's really going on is accessible immediately, rather than hearing it through the news.
• Deciding to get married before your first deployment together is very risky. You don't know if you're cut out to be a military spouse until you've experienced a deployment and know what you're signing on for. 
• True. However, it's important to note that this deployment will be our one and only. Eric's contract with the Army is up in November of 2015, a few months after his deployment ends. Because of this, our wedding will also mark the end of our time as a military couple, and our entrance into the veteran/civilian life. 
• Deployments place an extraordinary amount of stress on a relationship, really analyze the reasons you want to get married, and honestly discuss if you feel the process is being rushed. The two links below are great resources to help facilitate this thought process.
• Spouses are able to take care of legal affairs while your partner is deployed and unable to handle them personally. 
• PTSD is a very real thing, and it's very possible for your partner to come back from deployment and be different.
• Although true, this issue goes much deeper than deciding whether or not to get married in the present. In life, circumstances change, and people change, often when you least expect it. When entering into a marriage, it's wise to acknowledge this fact and come up with a game plan on how to get through the tough times, whether those times stem from military issues or not. 
• Spouses are the only people to receive access to deployment counseling, the family readiness group, and other military avenues for support during deployment.

I also have included two links that I found extremely helpful while making the decision. One is here, and the other is here. 

And, so this is life. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes deployment, then comes wedding? 

It's sure not the fairy tale we read while growing up, but life is messy, and this our story. It's a story I'm proud of, and it's one I am thrilled to continue living through as it develops. Very exciting things are ahead. 

engaged.

Eric and I are engaged.

Engaged. So, I can officially call this man my fiancé now? What a surreal thought that is. 

I want to be able to share with all of my loved ones the events of that day, and also be able to immortalize the memory for myself. Hence, this little entry! 

Eric and I decided to fill one of our remaining weekends together with a beach trip. We absolutely love going to the beach. We always go to this little house in Rockaway. Eric and his family have been visiting this particular house for over 20 years. It's very cozy and charming, and the backyard backs up right to the ocean. The location couldn't be more beautiful. 

On the morning of Sunday, March 30th, we woke up to sun. It had been stormy (even hailing) all weekend, and we were thrilled to get some good weather time. 

We started out the day going to the Blue Heron Cheese & Wine Company in Tillamook. We sampled some delicious brie and I had my first wine tasting experience. After having a flight of 5 yummy Oregon wines, we took home a bottle of a Bowlus Hills red blend. I later found out Eric had bought it intending to commemorate the day, and for us to open and drink it on an anniversary of the proposal. (How romantic is that?!)

On our way back to Rockaway, we stopped by the Tillamook Cheese Factory for some cheese samples and an ice cream cone. It was a very food-centric day, so naturally things were going great.

After hanging at the beach house for a little bit, Eric insisted we leave for an early dinner in Seaside at 4:30pm. Now, Eric and I usually eat much later than that. So, that should've been my first tip-off, but I remained naive. 

We took the road trip to Seaside and ended up getting dinner at this boutique hotel called Maggie's. They had a very cute restaurant, and there was even live music. Eric got the pork tenderloin, I got the seafood linguine, and we both sipped on some more yummy wine.

We started driving home just as the sun was setting. The trip was beautiful, and we even stopped to take pictures.

Finally, we got back to the beach house. Eric said something like "We should sneak up on Perry, let's go around back and see if we can scare her!"

Again, this should have been a tip off. But, I'm always one for spooking Perry, and didn't think anything of it. Eric walked behind me as I headed towards the back door.

I realized what was happening as soon as I opened the picket fence to a path of rose petals along the walkway. It led to the back steps, which were COVERED in flowers. Little lights framed the scene. It was perfect. 

That's when Eric came to me, held both of my hands, and proposed. It was a blur, it was a rush, it was perfect. The sunset was just right, the beach waves were in the distance, and my best friend was asking me to marry him. I don't even know if I actually said "yes". I'm pretty sure I just knelt down to hug him through tears and laughs. The most beautiful ring was slipped over my finger, and lots of goofy/happy dances and screaming followed. 

It was both a blessing and a curse that we have the worst cell service at the beach house. We did everything we could to make sure our families knew, and then wrapped up the night chatting over a bottle of champagne. It was kind of nice to have the night to be free of social media and phone calls. I am so thankful we were able to just revel in the moment, and be.




Now, having said that, one of the most fun parts of all of this has been sharing the news with everyone. Monday morning was a firestorm of calls, voicemails, facetiming, and social media galore. The outpouring of love and excitement has been overwhelming and heartwarming all at the same time. It's truly amazing to be reminded of all of the people that support and love us.


I also feel I should add that it took me a few moments to realize that there's no way Eric could have pulled all of this off by himself, he had been with me the entire time. I grilled him and asked who had done such an amazing job with helping him. I knew it couldn't have been either of our families because we had facetimed with each of them, and everyone was cozy at home.

Eric tried to remain mysterious for a while, but eventually said, "Ron, come on. You know who did this." I said, "Mad and Ty?" He nodded yes. Of course, it was non other than our couple-in-crime that made this night so special. I love you both so much, and am so thankful you made our night what it was. Cheers to you both, you sneaky proposal minions!












And, so it begins. The beginning of a life I am taking on with a man I love and respect more than I even thought I had the capacity for. My heart is full and my head is happy.
















Since we're on the subject of "happy", Sunday also marks the day that my amazing Cousin Amanda gave birth to beautiful Thomas Robert. This little guy is a miracle baby, and his mama is my hero. I cried happy tears several times on Sunday, and the first time was upon hearing about Thomas' birth. The world is now a brighter place with this fighter in it. I love you, Amanda. You're amazing. I can't wait to see you and meet your baby boy.