three months, part two.

Just about a year ago, I wrote a blog post entitled "three months." It was inspired by a particular notification I got on my phone while I was out getting happy hour with friends. The notification read "3 months until deployment". That particular moment punched a deployment-sized fist in my gut, and I remember thinking that the next three months would be the shortest of my life. They did, in fact, turn out to be a very fleeting three months.

Today, I got a similar notification on my phone. This one read "3 months left of Deployment". It spurred an equally strong reaction as the other "three month" notification. This time though, I felt butterflies in my gut instead of a punch. My first thought was that these next three months will be the longest of my life.

So, three months. THREE MONTHS. We're getting there. Three months ago, it was the day after Halloween. I spent hours trying to get fake blood out of my hair. That doesn't seem too long ago.

At this point in the game, I'm constantly thinking about post-deployment life. I've started a to-do list of things Eric and I will do when he's back and things are finally back to normal. I think about things like going to the beach house he proposed at, trying this new restaurant I keep hearing about, camping with Perry, making him try a Kentucky Mule at this bar I just discovered, etc. These things could be happening in just a few short months. Generally, I'm feeling pretty positive.

For a long while, especially in the beginning, I really struggled with keeping positive. I had constant visions of the two men in uniform knocking on the door in the middle of the night. Every time Perry barked at the door, my stomach seized. I constantly refreshed my Google search for "Afghanistan News". I dwelled on articles detailing another young man's life ending too early.

Although this way of life was very rational considering the circumstances, it was toxic. It had to end. I don't know how I did it, but I snapped out of it, and have come to a place of peace an positivity as of late. Maybe it just took time. Maybe it's the fact that 6 months have passed and things are still ok. To be brutally honest though, I just think it took getting to a place of denial, because that is most definitely what is happening right now. I am in in denial. My husband is in Afghanistan, and there's nothing I can do about it, so I pretend he's not there. I get to talk to Eric (via text) pretty much daily, and he still has the same wonderful sense of humor and personality, so if I don't think about things too hard, it just feels like we're in some run-of-the-mill long-distance relationship. I still am not sure if how I'm coping is the healthiest, but I also haven't found any other way of going about it that works for me. So, to all the other military wives out there, I'm open to suggestions. Until those brilliant suggestions roll in though, I'm sticking with what works. I imagine the "denial method" won't stay useful once the re-acclimation period comes, but we'll cross that bridge when it comes.

In the meantime, to celebrate the 3-month countdown, here's a "taking stock" update. Happy February, everyone!

Bookmarking: places and spaces to explore in Kauai. Honeymoon in T-6.5 months!

Cooking: Winter En Papillote, an awesome salmon dish. 

Drinking: tea, as always.

Enjoying: Barre3. I love the results I'm seeing in my body, and the peace it brings my mind.

Hoping: that three months flies.

Feeling: impatient, excited, hopeful.

Following: some new artsy accounts on Instagram. I wish I was more creative.

Giggling: at Broad City, I just started watching it.

Knowing: that I am very fortunate.

Liking: our new bed frame! I got a smokin' deal from my cousin.

Looking: at pictures of myself in my wedding dress.

Loving: my husband and his ability to make me feel loved in the most challenging of circumstances.

Making: our wedding registry! This is dangerous for me, though. It's combining my love on online shopping with my second love of not spending any money. It's getting a little excessive.

Marveling: at just how good healthy can taste.

Needing: nothing. I believe I have everything I need.
Noticing: my own personal growth.

Opening: my bag of longan berries. My new, very expensive addiction.

Playing: Lana Del Rey, my go-to.

Reading: an interesting article about another American sniper's experience in Iraq.

Smelling: Perry's stinky breath.

Thinking: about the not-so-distant future.

Waiting: for May 2015.

Wanting: an unlimited shopping budget for Lululemon.

Wasting: brainpower on things I can't control.

Wearing: only cozy things.

Wishing: Eric and I could move into the house we fell in love with on Zillow.

Wondering: where Eric and I will end up when he returns. The world is our oyster.