I continue to be pleasantly surprised by the pace time seems to be moving at. The weeks, months, seasons-- they're passing by me. I had assumed time would crawl, that waiting for this year to pass would be brutal. Waiting for Eric's homecoming is still brutal, but the anticipation of the waiting turned out to be worse than the actual waiting.
This is partly because I've adjusted to life without Eric. Typing that out and saying it aloud feels cold, but it's true. I figured I had the choice to crumble this year, or to adjust and press on. My ability to press on is partly because I'm still remaining ignorant of the reality that Eric's living most of the time. Part of my coping method is straight-up denial of the gravity of what is actually happening. It helps the day-to-day pass more easily.
This coping method works for me a lot of the time. I just go on with my life, patiently waiting for Eric's return. He's fine, I'm fine, everything is fine, lah-dee-dah. That works most of the time. It fails to work when my denial is confronted by reality, like when Eric gives me an occasional head's-up. Something like, "Some bad things went down. You'll probably hear about it in a day or two. Just know my guys and I are ok".
We decided it would be best for me to hear these things from Eric's own mouth. A few months ago, there was an incident in which I heard about a group that was killed. They lived where Eric lives, they ran the same missions Eric runs. I read about the attack before any of the victims were identified, and it hit close to home. I had a full-on panic attack at my desk and was sent home from work. After that day, we decided that Eric would let me know he's ok when things are likely to filter back home through the news or social media. This method works best for us, it just tends to break my concentration on the "denial" piece for a moment.
Eric always chalks these instances and attacks up to "wrong place, wrong time". Becoming a victim over there is all about misfortune, a draw of bad luck. In other words, Eric's well-being completely hinges on luck and timing. If I let that notion sink into my brain, I can physically feel myself begin to unravel. So, I don't think about it. I deny the days away. I've gotten halfway through the deployment this way.
Halfway. Can you believe it?
We still don't know when Eric's coming home, but I like to think of May 1st as the day he'll be back. It could be before then, it could be after, but May 1st seems good a day as any to look forward to. I think in terms of "only 166 days until May 1st, 2015. 166 days ago, it was June 3rd. Eric was training in Idaho on June 3rd. That doesn't seem like that long ago, we just have to get through that same amount of time again, starting now". It's a fun little daily ritual. With every day that passes, there's an increasingly more recent memory to equate our remaining time to.
Maintaining my healthy sense of denial that I speak of sure takes effort, though! As I've mentioned before, I keep busy with work, friends, family, and planning for the future. The moments of laughter, purpose, normalcy and peace these bring continue to carry me through.
Just last weekend, I made my long-overdue first visit to the east coast to visit some very important people! I flew on over to D.C. and embarked on a much-needed adventure with one of my very best friends, Liberty. We stayed at her place for a night, and then woke up bright and early to "backpack" (a.k.a. rode a bus and the subway while wearing our backpacks) on up to New York to stay with one of my other best friends, Sara. Spending the weekend with these two was a dream come true. We had SO much fun, and got to spend time with my beautiful cousin Amber and some other awesome friends I've dearly missed. After a whirlwind 24 hours in Brooklyn, Lib and I headed back to D.C. and spent my last day touring our Capital. The whole trip was just what I needed; time full of good memories and even better people. I also took advantage of the 20+ travel hours to read Gone Girl. So good. I can't wait to see the movie.
Wedding planning continues to go at a blinding pace. I think it's become obvious that wedding planning is my #1 deployment distraction. I use this distraction a lot. We're still over 8 months out and I'm seriously running out of things to do. Sometimes when I'm bored, I tweak little things on our website, mchomies2015.com. Yes, weddings come with their own websites.
This week brought on the first flub of the wedding-- I put all the "save the dates" in the mail, and the post office decided to stamp all of our postcards on the wrong side, the artwork side. Eric's poor face was maimed with black ink smears on many of the postcards. It kind of looks like he has gang-related face tattoos, so maybe people think his tattoo habit just escalated badly. Maybe that's what I'll start telling people. I called the local post office to ask what the heck happened, and how to avoid the same blunder in the future, but all that I learned was, "Well, ma'am, it sounds like someone just messed up".
I have to admit, upon first hearing about this, I nearly fell into a bridezilla-like rage spiral. It was the first actual wedding-related thing that has been executed, and it went wrong. But, I took the moment to laugh, and recognize that things just don't go quite the way you expect them to. It's a good reminder that things will continue to occasionally go wrong, and there's nothing I can do about it. It's tough, because I believe in the "if you want something done right, do it yourself" philosophy, but there's only so much I can do myself. Every once in a while, I have to pass the baton, and trust strangers with wedding-related tasks. And strangers, such as USPS workers, are going to occasionally fail you. Now I know why the Tribbianis hate the post office so much. (Friends fans, anyone??)
 |
| My face while on the phone with USPS. |
In happier and less trivial news, our honeymoon is officially on the calendar!! We'll be staying at this awesome boutique resort on Poipu Beach for seven days and seven nights in mid-August. All I'm thinking about is swimming in the ocean, hiking to waterfalls, eating sushi, drinking cocktails, and learning to surf, all with my in-the-flesh husband. I am so, SO excited.
 |
| 9 more months 'til we're lying on two of those lounge chairs with drinks in hand. |
Another blink and it will be Thanksgiving. Another one will bring us to Christmas, then New Years, then we'll be starting 2015. 2015! The year of Eric's return, the year of the wedding, the year we'll find a new home, a new way of life. 2015 will be the year Eric's contract with the National Guard will expire. (The 365-day countdown started yesterday!) It will be the year of travel to Atlanta, to Hawaii, to wherever else we decide to go at a moment's notice. 2015 is going to be a good, good year. Just a few more blinks to go.
