goodbye in austin.

For the 4th of July weekend, I flew down to Austin, TX to join Eric for his last break of the year. I feel so lucky that we were able to have one last chance to soak up each other's time before this deployment really starts. I flew down on Friday morning, and was able to stay for three whole days and three whole nights. Austin is awesome! The nightlife is insane, the city is great, the restaurants are top-notch, and the surroundings are beautiful. Eric's friends from high school came down to join us, so most of the weekend was spent with our group of five, going around and exploring the city. So, here's a little photo purge of what the trip looked like:

Despite the fact that Eric's deployment training has been going since May, the gravity of our situation didn't feel like a reality until yesterday. The anxiety hit around the middle of the day, and grew little by little as the hours passed.

As we spent our last night together laying low and watching "UP", an awful, unshakable feeling overcame me. The realization that we were spending our last night together for an entire ten months hit me, and it hit hard. We've experienced our fair share of separation; a week here, two weeks there, we've even mastered the four week and six week separations. Ten months, though. That kind of time apart is unfathomable to me. Every thought that passed through my brain sounded something like, "this is the last time I'll hold his hand for ten months", and "this is the last time he'll look me in the eyes for ten months". It didn't take long for these thoughts to turn into tears, and for tears to turn into full-fledged sobbing. I'm sure holding me as I cried myself to sleep was not what Eric had in mind for his last night of freedom, but hey, I'm only human.

This morning I awoke to my early alarm, immediately thinking "this is the last time we'll wake up next to each other for ten months". It turns out that sleep didn't help wear the anxiety down much. I had a morning flight, so we didn't have much time to do anything but pack up and get off to the airport.

We arrived to the terminal too soon for for my liking. I have never had such a hard time getting out of a car before. This was partly because I was embarrassed that my mascara that I had only applied a half hour ago was already all over my face. Mostly, though, the thought of starting our time apart was just unbearable. But, after letting our goodbye hug linger a little long, and sneaking some extra goodbye kisses, I walked myself into the airport, and traveled my day away in a state of stunned auto-pilot.

So, here I am, back at our apartment with our dog, knowing this is the first day of a long countdown to our already-overdue reunion. It seems like getting through this next year is too ambitious for the level of enthusiasm I have right now, but then again, it's only day one. Every single day is one step closer, and I don't intend on forgetting that happy fact. I also was reminded of the support we have behind us when a nice lady from the Family Readiness Group happened to randomly call me when I got home to check in on how I'm doing. Is that timing crazy, or what? It's like she knew. Eric and I are so lucky for our situation, because despite how this feels, and despite the upcoming events of this year, we are so well-equipped to get through this and come out stronger than before. We have all the support and love we could ask for from our friends and family, and a whole lot of love and support for each other. I truly couldn't ask for anything more than that.