end of an era.

As I write these words, I can't help but chuckle as I reflect on the quick turn my life has taken in the past several weeks.

Just a month ago, I was a girlfriend. Today, I am a fiancee. Tomorrow, I'll be a wife. 

Whoa.

It's not like I hadn't been expecting this, though. Long before Eric and I were even engaged I had known that this whirlwind was coming. Now that we're living it, it feels surreal; kind of like we'll just be playing "dress-up" with our parents and siblings. But, tomorrow is the real deal, because tomorrow we will legally bind our lives together. 

Being the over-analyzer that I am, I have put in a lot of thought on our choice to get married, both before and after our engagement. I know it's the right choice, but I have really challenged myself to reflect on how I know it's the right choice. Ironically enough, my marriage is beginning right as the marriage of my parents is ending. Although watching my parents split after 30 years would seem to be discouraging, it has instead motivated me to be especially purposeful in our choice to marry, and to have a strong understanding of what marriage means.

It's kind of sobering to realize that choosing to marry means choosing to go against the odds in pursuit of a successful relationship. We all know that about half of marriages end, and it's also a general rule that in about half of the marriages that don't end, the couples aren't happy anyway. That means only about a quarter of the married couples out there are in a happy, fulfilling marriage. These numbers are even worse in military marriages. Now, I'm sure that people rarely enter marriage with any other intention than to have a happy, successful, committed "forever". So then, what happens to the 75% of marriages that just don't get it right? Where does it go wrong?

Of course, there's no clear answer to why marriages fail at the rate they do, but I think dropping the "happily ever after" myth and being aware that you're agreeing to a life-long, fulfilling challenge is half the battle. I also think both people in the marriage need to challenge themselves to be purposeful, realistic, and selfless.

Purposeful, because it's so easy to get complacent and take a good thing for granted. Love is not a noun, but a verb. Love is actively working to make another person happy; love is not a passive feeling that stays despite little effort. It's hard work to constantly put effort into maintaing a happy relationship, but it's also the most fulfilling work I believe I'll ever do.

Realistic, because the fairy tale we've all heard is crap. So many people believe the work lies within finding someone to marry, when actually the real work starts after saying "I do". Being realistic also means acknowledging the fact that your spouse can't fulfill 100% of your needs 100% of the time.

Selfless, because I believe marriage means doing things for "we" instead of "I". That's a hard mindset to transition into, but it's a necessary shift to make. Admittedly, I am selfish by nature, and will have to work extra hard on this one!

I know, I have made this all sound very daunting. Welcome to the mind of an over-analytical person. But, these are the thought processes I go through when making life-changing decisions. Rest assured-- this transition into marriage is extremely exciting for me. Keeping in mind the thoughts above, I'm more than up for the challenge to create my "happily ever after" with Eric, because I can't imagine a better man to love. In all honesty, I don't know how I got so lucky to have the best man I've ever met want me back. Being his wife will the biggest privilege of my life.

And so, tomorrow marks the end of an era. The times of checking the "single" box on tax documents and doctor office forms will be over. Tomorrow will also mark the beginning of our great stage of limbo. Which sounds better, "married to my fiance" or, "engaged to my husband"? I think I like them both.

Happy Flashback Friday!