day one.

Well, one of the days I've been dreading has finally arrived. This morning at 4:00am, Eric and I got up, packed the car, and I drove him off to the airport. With a quick kiss and hug, he was off. I drove back in silence, came home to our already-quieter apartment, and recessed back into the depths of our bed to be alone with my thoughts before the sun had even risen. Eric, it never gets easier to be without you; maybe more familiar, but just as hard as all the times before.

If I'm thankful for any part about how this is going, it would be the fact that we're getting "phased in" to this deployment. Eric's time overseas won't actually even start until August. The fact that he's part of the Reserves in the Oregon National Guard means his unit needs more training-up time than an active unit would. So, here's what we're looking at:

Currently, Eric is heading to Fort Hood, TX for a nine-day training. From there, he will go straight to Gowen Field in Idaho for another training period. That wraps up in early June, and he gets a few days to come home and visit (yay!!). Luckily, we've figured out a way to reschedule that surprise party we had been planning to occur on this break. It will be a whirlwind, but I'm so glad we still get the chance to celebrate him, even if it's no longer a surprise, and even if it will be a very busy trip.

His time home wraps up on June 11th, at which point he's really gone for a while. He'll fly back off to Texas for his last period of intensive training. While there, he has a few days of leave, but can't come home. For that, I'll fly down to him for a little reunion in Austin, TX. Then once August rolls around, he'll ship off to Afghanistan and be there until May of 2015. Oy vey.

Of course, all of this above is according to the ever-changing schedule of the army. I'm still crossing my fingers that this deployment somehow gets shortened.

Anyhow, there's a very bright side of our current situation: we still have several days over the next couple months that we will be with each other in person! I am so very thankful and excited for that. Eric also has very good access to his phone in the meantime, which means we'll be able to talk and text regularly for a while.

On the other side, it is hard to believe that our days between Sniper School and deployment trainings have come to a close. In my very first dd&dt post, I wrote about the 81 days that we had, and my wish for those days to pass as slowly as time would allow. Well, after the army stepped in, those 81 days turned out to be more like 67 days. Regardless, we really did accomplish so much in that short amount of time.

First, we got engaged. Although doing this was something we had planned on and talked about for a long time, Eric made this experience such a surprise and so romantic.

Once we were engaged, it was amazing how much wedding planning we got done in a short amount of time. We basically accomplished all the decisions that Eric wanted to be a part of. So, after several venue visits we decided on celebrating our day at Zenith Vineyards in August of 2015. We also got our engagement pictures done, scheduled that photographer for the wedding, and are in-talks with a few caterers right now. Personally, we just can't wait for the tastings ;). We also asked one of my very best friends, Mishaun, to officiate our ceremony. He happily said yes, and we're so thrilled to have someone so close to us contribute to our day in such a special way.

Less than a month after we were engaged, we got married. Talk about a whirlwind! For a reminder as to why the marriage came before the wedding, feel free to read here.

This craziness doesn't sound crazy enough to you? Yeah, us neither. Which is why we decided to wrap up our time together with a couple of ring finger tattoos.

I never thought I'd be the person to get a marriage tattoo, but I absolutely love it, and wouldn't take my decision back for a second. The idea to do this came up when Eric realized he'd rather not take a wedding ring overseas, but wanted to have something to remind him of me and our marriage. As anyone who knows Eric can tell he's pretty enthusiastic about tattoos, so a ring finger tattoo was the natural choice for him. After some thought, I decided I'd join in on this choice as well. So for now, we're saving wedding bands for the wedding ceremony next year.

So, yeah, I'd say our 67 days together were very eventful. In addition to all these milestones, we had so many incredible nights in-between. We've created wonderful memories after all the nights out with friends, dinners with family, watching the Blazers, cuddling with Perry, trips to the beach, Colorado, and Corvallis, hunting, lots of beer, lazy mornings, yurting, Timbers games, and just hanging out. It really was a wonderful time.

engagement: in photos.

In keeping with the non-traditional route we've been taking the past few months, here are our post-marriage engagement pictures!

We had such a great time taking these, and feel so blessed to have these amazing pictures. Alexandra Grace is a wonderful photographer, and you can view the entire photoshoot here! Enjoy :)

 

 

the letdown.

This is a strange time for my little family. Although we remain in "just married" euphoria, it's getting harder to ignore the looming adversity our lives are about to encounter.

No matter the circumstance, it's inevitable to experience a little bit of a letdown after a time of extreme happiness. It's not that the happiness fades, but realistically, you can only sustain a through-the-roof level of joy for so long. Eventually, equilibrium kicks in, euphoria wanes, and normal, day-to-day life resurfaces.

For Eric and I, our letdown seems especially daunting. We're now less than two weeks away from the start of his deployment. At this point we're pondering, how are we supposed to smoothly transition from one of the happiest times of our relationship immediately into the hardest challenge of our relationship?

The nature of our situation makes focusing on the positive very difficult. We've done our best to do so, but with the army, not even the littlest pieces of happiness we look forward to are guaranteed. I have written before about how military life comes with a sense of uncertainty and a definite lack of stability. This couldn't be more true for our current situation. Lately, it almost seems as though the army is cruelly trying to remove any shred of positivity that we've planned to focus on during this time.

Just this week, Eric learned that his orders are extended, and he will now leave home earlier than planned. His deployment is now starting on May 14th instead of May 20th.

Six days doesn't sound like a huge deal, right? However, this is a perfect example of how the army's ever-changing schedules can debunk plans and take away things you've been looking forward to. In this particular situation we had a lot planned (and therefore, a lot taken away) in those six days we lost. Eric's mom and I spent months planning a surprise going-away party so that we could get all of Eric's friends and family together for a really fun send-off. The party was set for the 17th, so now it's off. Eric and I also had a week-long vacation planned to the East Coast. We were so looking forward to staying with a good friend, visiting family, going to a music festival, and seeing more of our beautiful country. It was going to be the perfect opportunity for us to spend quality time together before he leaves. That trip has also been taken from us. Now we're stuck fighting for a refund from the travel company. Unfortunately, the chances of that refund happening are not looking good.

Lastly, Eric also learned that he will no longer have his two weeks of mid-deployment leave that we had been banking on. This change hurts me the most. Now we're looking at nearly a solid year of separation. I can't even fathom what that is going to be like.

I'm really not sure how to feel about all of this. Three major things I was using to stay positive throughout this situation have been taken from me, and I feel like the rug has been completely swept out from under us. I am doing my best to shift my focus to other sources of positivity, like the fact that I'll still be planning our wedding, and that we can still Skype. However, it's really hard to not become bitter. I get angry after learning of such a drastic and last-second change like this. How can they do this so casually in our last weeks together?

I do realize this whole situation is way bigger than us, though. I do realize we signed on for this life, and things like this come with the territory. I do realize that we're only one of hundreds of families feeling this same disappointment right now. I do realize there are families that have it worse. I do realize I'm personalizing a situation that is anything but personal. I realize all of this. Although those realizations put things in perspective, they doesn't dull the sting.

All we can focus on now, is just getting through the year. There's no halfway point to look forward to, so it's just going to be about grinning and bearing the separation. Right now our worst enemy is the anticipation, the countdown seems to be suffocating us more with each passing day. Although we certainly don't want to be without each other, we're almost just wanting this thing to start so we can get it behind us. I know in the grand scheme of things, this deployment will really only be a "blip on the radar" within the timeline of our relationship. So keeping that in mind, I'm hoping it will pass as quickly as time allows.