negative one-year.

Today marks the negative one-year wedding anniversary for Eric and I! That's right, in one short year, we'll be celebrating our marriage (and the 470-day anniversary of it) with our loved ones at a gorgeous vineyard in Salem, OR.

Just last weekend, I took several of our family members out to the venue for the first time. They were all floored. I was floored! This place is just gorgeous. I hadn't seen the venue since the initial tour Eric and I took, and it was so different to see it in August, and to see it as "our wedding venue". We had seen it in April, and while it was still beautiful then, seeing it in the month that our wedding will take place was amazing. The sun was shining, the flowers were all bloomed, and picturing our day suddenly seemed much easier.

See what I mean? This place is just stunning. It's so us-- earthy, secluded, rustic, and beautiful.

Coincidentally, last weekend I also spent a day with my mama in other parts of Oregon wine country for her birthday present! Back in March, I got us a 4-stop winery tour with Embrace Oregon, and we finally used it. It was such a fun time, and we even made friends with our tour buddies. Nothing brings strangers together better than 5 hours of wine drinking!

As for our army man, he's still working away in Texas, awaiting the day they fly off and leave. That day is still not certain. In fact, it changes quite often, and he's not allowed to tell anyone when it is. But, we know it's going to be pretty much any day now. So, I'm just sitting here waiting for the news to reach me that he's left, basically. The process feels pretty cruel, but that's just how it works. He's very excited to get started-- to do his work well, and come home safely with all of his guys. I'm excited too in a way, because the sooner he gets this started and checked off the list, the sooner he's done and we're back to a normal, civilian life. These next months are going to be some of the hardest I experience, but there's an end in sight, and I am excited to inch closer towards that end. In the meantime, thank goodness for the derpy, and not-so-derpy selfies he can still text me. There's no better negative one-year anniversary present like a soldier selfie.

two.

On Friday, August 1st, our fur baby turned two years old.

Perry, I remember the day we decided that our life was just a little lonely, and that it was time we add a dog to our little family.

We bounced around several ideas of what kind of dog to get. Eric wanted a hunting dog, and I just wanted a dog I could cuddle with without going into anaphylactic shock. So, we did our best to compromise. We'd get a dog that was part retriever, part poodle. That compromise pretty much guaranteed your dad would be aced out of getting his hunting dog, but he was excited by the potential of adding a family dog to our lives.

Eric spent a few days scouring the internet while I was at work, looking for listings of new litters online. Nothing was quite matching what we were looking for until he happened upon a posting from the Oregonian. A woman in Lebanon, OR had a Golden Retriever and a Goldendoodle, and they recently had a litter. 

When I got home from work, Eric eagerly showed me the posting to see what I thought. That's when I first saw your little face, and the faces your brothers and sisters. You were adorably named the "Coffee Crew", and your siblings had names like "Latte", "Java", "Mocha" and "Chai". Your name was Biscotti.

We immediately contacted Suzie, the woman selling the litter, and she told us she would be heading to our area with the four remaining puppies in the litter to show them to another prospective buyer. Without hesitation, we set up a meeting and anxiously awaited meeting our potential puppies.

A few days later, we headed to Clackamas Town Center and found Suzie in the parking lot. There you were in her trunk, just six weeks old, with your sister Cappuccino, and brothers Joe (as in "cup of joe") and Rebel. Rebel was named for his unusually curly hair.

We spent some time holding and playing with each of you. Cappuccino was a little too wound-up. Rebel was a little too distracted. But you and Joe, we clicked with. Both of you melted into our arms when we held you, and licked our faces. We were sold on two puppies. We told Suzie we were definitely interested, paid our deposit, and spent the next two weeks you needed to be with your mom deciding between you and Joe. 

If we could've, we would've taken both of you. Unfortunately we didn't have the means to, and knew we had to decide on just one. I called Suzie for advice, and she told me that if we wanted a dog that was attentive, involved and affectionate, we should take "Biscotti". Eric wanted a female dog anyway. So with that, we decided on you. We immediately decided to name you Perry. 

We spent the next two weeks eagerly awaiting the day we could pick you up and make you ours! The day finally came, and we headed to Corvallis to meet Suzie's son and pick you up. Before long, you arrived to us just as adorable as before, and much bigger! We spent that whole first day ooh-ing and ahh-ing at your cute puppy face, giggling at your clumsiness, and holding you as you napped.

That whole first year, you spent your entire puppy life growing up in two homes. Eric still lived in Corvallis and was wrapping up his degree at OSU, and I was living in Beaverton working my first job out of college. You stayed with your dad in Corvallis during most weeks, and I would spend weekends with you. Sometimes I would come down to Corvallis, but usually your dad would drive up to Beaverton. He spent a lot of time driving and making sure the three of us were together as much as possible. During the times he had army trainings, you would stay with me and be in your crate while I was at work. I was so nervous you would hate it, but you did really well. Despite growing up in two homes with two very different routines and environments, you became a very well-mannered puppy.

On the weeks that you would stay in my apartment while I worked, Your granddogmom was a huge help. She would come over on most days to make sure you had some time to get out and have some fresh air. Did you know that she didn't even really like dogs that much before you? Did you know you completely changed her mind? Did you know that your companionship and love brightened some of her hardest days? You completely turned her world upside-down. Now, she spoils you more than anyone she loves, and that's saying quite a lot.

Now, you're two. You've accomplished a lot and have really become a good dog in these past two years. You have lived in three homes, and you're about to move to your fourth. You have become an excellent swimmer. You know how to sit, lay down, high five, shake, roll over, and stay. You never bark just to bark; only when you think someone may deeply hurt the ones you love, like when someone knocks on the door. I know how much that disturbs you. You still jump up on people that you're excited to see. I know it's hard to contain your love, but we'll work on it some more. You're the only dog I know that will actually drop a slice of pizza when told to "drop it". You're a good girl.

Your favorite food is carrots. You also like anything you can get when we accidentally drop food from the table. You love ice cubes and laying in your pool. You love the beach. You love to nap and lay on the couch with me and your dad when it's quiet time. You cuddle with us at night before we fall asleep, and come back up for more cuddles when you can tell we're waking up. You never rush us to wake up, but are very happy when we do. I can tell that you miss your dad while he's gone. Whenever he leaves, you need more cuddles and affection because you're sad, but hearing his voice over Skype makes you happy.

Vets, groomers, and day care owners always make a point to tell me how much they love you. You have such a sweet demeanor and loving presence. You make us humans feel warm, safe, and comforted. You know, when you're a little older and more calm, I think you'd make a great therapy dog. It's something we'll work towards. 

Perry, you are so loved. You're loved by everyone you meet. In these past two years, you have given us so much happiness that we would never take back for the world. You're a true companion, and are the living example of your kind's reputation of "man's best friend". We are so thankful for the years we've had, and the years to come. Happy birthday, sweet girl.

the small things.

It's been a little over two weeks since my time in Texas. Two weeks down, somewhere between 40-45 to go.

Gulp.

It's going about how I thought it would go. I'm staying fairly busy. I do work a 40-hour week, which helps eat away a lot of my time. I've been doing my best to get out of the apartment after work, so I've been spending a good amount of time with family and friends, which is always great. Eric and I get to text throughout the days, and can sometimes get a short call in at night. Of course, it's not enough to feel fulfilled or make the sting of missing each other disappear, but it helps. There have been a few teary nights at home, but I'm actually holding it together better than I expected. I think being able to text throughout the day helps keep some feeling of normalcy for us. We only have a couple more weeks of that luxury though, so I'm savoring it. By "savoring it", I mean taking screen-shots of all the selfies he sends my way, like the one to the left. Freaking swoon, amirite? Once Eric ships off to Afgan-land, it's only skype and email from there on out. 

As most of my friends and family could tell you, wedding planning is a huge distraction for me. You can often catch me on Style Me Pretty and Pinterest, daydreaming away. I even got addicted to "My Fair Wedding with David Tutera" on Netflix. I know, kind of pathetic. I swear, I was never the girl that spent my life dreaming about my wedding, but now that I'm actually planning it, I'm sure invested! 

I've had a few highlights over the past week, including seeing Book Of Mormon for the second time with my family. I could probably watch that thing over and over, and it wouldn't get old. My ma-in-law, Chris, and brother-in-law, Kevin joined too! Chris made me this awesome bracelet out of paper beads, the paper she used was from the program for Eric's mobilization ceremony. She is so unbelievably thoughtful. Now we both have one :). I didn't get any pictures of the play, of course, but here's some pictures of the family before!

I also was thrilled to be able to go an old friend from high school's wedding. This meant visiting my friends in Seattle! I reunited with some old friends Friday night, and went to Blake's wedding Saturday. I met Blake the first week of school at Skyline High School in Sammamish, which, unfortunately, was the time when I was at about the lowest point in my life. It was the beginning of Junior year and I was so upset to be starting all over in a different state, yet again. I don't know if he remembers, but after a very embarrassing and public nervous breakdown in one of our classes, he made sure to let me know that he was concerned for me, and showed me kindness. I've never forgotten that. Blake is such a kind soul and an impressive man. I'm so glad I was there to witness him marry his love, David.

So, clearly this was a fun night. Also, the wedding itself was so well done, and one of the very best weddings I've been to! It was at such a beautiful venue, had an incredibly touching ceremony, and a very happy reception. What more can you ask for? I am also so thankful to have spent time with so many people that I haven't seen in ages! As I've said before, my time in Seattle was particularly rough, mostly due to stupid teen angst and stuff like that, but I am incredibly lucky to have come out of that experience with some incredible people to call friends. These people were some of the only reasons I got through those two years, whether they know it or not. I'm not as great at keeping in touch with my Seattle friends as I'd like, but I'm sure making it a goal to change that!

Next on the agenda: Mad & Ty's wedding coming up in a few weeks (!!!!), a visit to Atlanta next month, and SEVERAL birthdays in August. Shall we count? Perry Pup (8/1), Mama Chris (8/15), Grandma Bette (8/15), Cousin Nick (8/15), Cousin Justine (8/16), Myself (8/23), Cousin Ellie (8/28), Eric (8/29), and lastly, My dad (8/31). Yeah, our family comes with a lot of August babies. Remind me why we chose to plan an August wedding, again? Other than that, plenty of netflix, comfort food in bed, and pup cuddles. It's all about the small things.

goodbye in austin.

For the 4th of July weekend, I flew down to Austin, TX to join Eric for his last break of the year. I feel so lucky that we were able to have one last chance to soak up each other's time before this deployment really starts. I flew down on Friday morning, and was able to stay for three whole days and three whole nights. Austin is awesome! The nightlife is insane, the city is great, the restaurants are top-notch, and the surroundings are beautiful. Eric's friends from high school came down to join us, so most of the weekend was spent with our group of five, going around and exploring the city. So, here's a little photo purge of what the trip looked like:

Despite the fact that Eric's deployment training has been going since May, the gravity of our situation didn't feel like a reality until yesterday. The anxiety hit around the middle of the day, and grew little by little as the hours passed.

As we spent our last night together laying low and watching "UP", an awful, unshakable feeling overcame me. The realization that we were spending our last night together for an entire ten months hit me, and it hit hard. We've experienced our fair share of separation; a week here, two weeks there, we've even mastered the four week and six week separations. Ten months, though. That kind of time apart is unfathomable to me. Every thought that passed through my brain sounded something like, "this is the last time I'll hold his hand for ten months", and "this is the last time he'll look me in the eyes for ten months". It didn't take long for these thoughts to turn into tears, and for tears to turn into full-fledged sobbing. I'm sure holding me as I cried myself to sleep was not what Eric had in mind for his last night of freedom, but hey, I'm only human.

This morning I awoke to my early alarm, immediately thinking "this is the last time we'll wake up next to each other for ten months". It turns out that sleep didn't help wear the anxiety down much. I had a morning flight, so we didn't have much time to do anything but pack up and get off to the airport.

We arrived to the terminal too soon for for my liking. I have never had such a hard time getting out of a car before. This was partly because I was embarrassed that my mascara that I had only applied a half hour ago was already all over my face. Mostly, though, the thought of starting our time apart was just unbearable. But, after letting our goodbye hug linger a little long, and sneaking some extra goodbye kisses, I walked myself into the airport, and traveled my day away in a state of stunned auto-pilot.

So, here I am, back at our apartment with our dog, knowing this is the first day of a long countdown to our already-overdue reunion. It seems like getting through this next year is too ambitious for the level of enthusiasm I have right now, but then again, it's only day one. Every single day is one step closer, and I don't intend on forgetting that happy fact. I also was reminded of the support we have behind us when a nice lady from the Family Readiness Group happened to randomly call me when I got home to check in on how I'm doing. Is that timing crazy, or what? It's like she knew. Eric and I are so lucky for our situation, because despite how this feels, and despite the upcoming events of this year, we are so well-equipped to get through this and come out stronger than before. We have all the support and love we could ask for from our friends and family, and a whole lot of love and support for each other. I truly couldn't ask for anything more than that.